So here it is.

I have no clue when I started, don’t no how many posts I wrote, and I don’t know all the faces of you who read about my life. I can’t remember why I started, but I kept writing. It is a great way for my friends abroad to stay informed about what’s going on in my life. Writing here has helped me a lot during difficult times. I have many posts still sitting in the draft folder, too personal to put out here. I’ve took posts down after a day, or hours, because I felt they were too personal.

Truth of the matter is…I’m done. I have no more inspiration. No need to share my thoughts and feelings online. It’s is over…done…curtain is closing. Thank you for being part of my life for the last 3 years or so. I can’t do it anymore. Curtains open and close, so I will not say the curtain will be closed forever, but for now, I say goodbye.

What’s Your Excuse?

This is a great work out! I’m not going to try it though… Daft Bodies: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Last night I went to my new favorite place, Terroni, with my friend M@ to celebrate the beginning of a slower, not so crazy, insane, hectic pace at work. What was I thinking?! Of course it wasn’t over yet!

This morning I was woken up at 7am, and working in shorts and t-shirt form my kitchen to solve a crisis! None was my fault, and I feel bad for my boss, but also for me, cause our office has had a very stressfull 2 weeks.

I’m drained, so tired, stressed, alcoholic! Luckily my bed is still used by Sierra…

I love the hot weather! I hope the summer is going to be like this past weekend! It’s though for Sierra, but my ceiling fan seems to work pretty well for her, since it’s right above my bed where she spends most of her time.

I had a very nice chill weekend. Went hiking on both Saturday and Sunday, celebrated Queens Day at the Beverly Hills Country Club, hosted by the Dutch Consulate, drank too much and was completely done by around 10am. It’s so surreal going to one of these Consulate celebration, and stand around and sing our national Anthem, The Wilhelmus, dates back to 1548 or something.
Luckily no hangover on Sunday, which was a huge surprise. Had a very nice relaxing Sunday.

This morning I got up early again for my almost daily trip to Runyon Canyon with Sierra. Even at 7am it was already hot. On my way over the Runyon, I had to wait for the longest light ever, Melrose/Gardner, which gives me a change to wake up a little more and look around at the empty street. I realized how funny it is to all of the sudden become familiar with peoples daily routines. This morning was not the first time I saw a black VW pull up in Front of Johnny Rockets, run accross the street and dissapear in Coffee Bean. I guess I will see her do that many more times, since I’m pretty on the dot with my routine going to Runyon. Anyway, I thought that was funny.
In case you ever consider visiting Amsterdam, try going around April 30th! Queens Day in Amsterdam is something you’ll never forget!

I got this really comfortable shoes from Toms Shoes. For every pair of shoes bought, they ships a pair to people in need of shoes in Argentina. Not only do you have cool summer shoes, but someone will benefit from your purchase! Check it them out! Here are mine:

I’m trying out a new look. 2 Weeks ago, I got my buzz got again, my summer cut, and last week I decided to let my beard grow. Of course I’m trimming the bear to not let it get out of control, but so far I only got a good response to the new look…okay, some were not that happy about it.

Update, Monday April 28: I guess I have someone trying to imitate me, but, hell, he looks bad!

I’m also pretty much done with getting my room just the way I want it:

Wanted to post much more, but am so busy at work. But couldn’t let this victory go by unnoticed! After all this talk of her campaign being over, Obama outspending her out fundraising her, she still keeps on winning the most important states in the primaries.
Okay, our girl does need some financial help. It’s beyond me why it is here in the States that it’s all about the money, even our next candidate for President is all about money!
But…it is what it is, so please give her what you can:
http://www.hillaryclinton.com

I already know this is going to be a long, difficult week… Well, maybe the week will go by fast since it’s going to be crazy busy at work. I just need to make sure I fill my evenings with fun things to do, so this week is not just all about work. I hope it will include lots of tennis, American Idol of course, and hopefully some painting.
The weekend was okay, mellow and productive. Too much alcohol though…
Nothing else to mention really.

I love my regular Thursday Happy Hours and last night everyone was there. I could have done without that last drink…ended up with M@ at McDonalds eating crappy food which tasted awesome!
Feeling great now! It’s already 11am Friday morning, almost lunch time, and then a couple more hours! Having lunch with my M. from work…it’s her last “real” day at work:(… She’s the one who got me to the Hammer, and is a dear friend who I’ll miss having around, keeping me sane in some insane situations.

Last weekend I did my Summer haircut again. Always feels so great doing it myself! Change is good. A shitty phone picture, but you get the idea.

I got one of these chain emails the other day in my Hyves Inbox (the Dutch version of MySpace). It had 40 some questions like “favorite color”, and then when you’re done with the questions you send it back to the sender and friends you want to respond. You know what I’m talking about.
I thought I’d make up my own list of questions, more personal, but also some just to get to get a feeling of what your life looks like. Maybe you can do the same on your blog, or send me an email with your answers, or just ignore this and do nothing. Copy the questions and fill in your asnwers. Here we go!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6:45am, normally 6:30, but could do that this morning
2. First thing you do in the morning?
I take my dog Sierra on a hike at Runyon Canyon
3. How long is your commute to work?
About 20-25 minutes by car
4. What kind of work do you do?
Executive Assistant to the Director of a Contemporary Art Museum
5. What are your work hours?
9:30am-6:30pm
6. Do you like your job?
Yes
7. Always wanted to end up in a job like you have now?
NO! Never expected to end up in this art world. I take opportunities as they come
8. What would be the perfect career look like for you?
Being able to support my self acting
9. What did you think you wanted to be when you were a child?
A singer…but can’t really sing
10. Do you have nice memories of your childhood?
Yes
11. Any particular favorite memory?
I was a very happy child, many friends, and loved building huts in the wood, and that would be my favorite memory: playing outside with my friends
12. Worst memory?
My parents fighting a lot
13. Any siblings?
Yes, one older sister
14. Are you close to your sibling(s)?
I think I am. As close as you can get to her, I guess. My sister is mentally handicapped
15. Did you enjoy your teenage years?
No!
16. Favorite memory of these years?
Moving out at 18 to go to college
17. Least favorite memory?
So many. I’ve blocked out most of the years from 12 to 18. At 11-12 my depressions started
18. Would you like to go back to your teenage years?
Yes, but with the medication I’m on now
19. Are you still in touch with your childhood friends?
No, don’t have any. One friend in LA I’ve known since childhood, but we didn’t become friends until we reconnected in LA
20. Are you close with your family?
Yes, no hard feelings about the past, but can’t really get really into deep conversations with them. I’m also far away from them and only see them once every year and a half or so
21. Places you’ve lived?
Zuidelijke Ijsselmeer Polders, Lelystad, the town, didn’t exist yet, but I grew up in Lelystad (The Netherlands) unfortunately, Breda, Palm de Mallorca (Spain), Cusco (Peru), Marco Island (Florida), and Los Angeles for the last 8 years. In LA: Pasadena, Monrovia, Hollywood, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, and now Los Angeles
22. Did you travel much?
Yes! I think I visited about 150 places in about 80 countries
23. What’s your favorite place you’ve been to?
Hmm, there are a lot. Manu, the rainforest in Peru; Sydney, Australia; South Africa; Paris, France; Patagonia, Chili; Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia; coast of Colombia; Los Angeles & New York
24. Least favorite place?
Lelystad; Mumbay, India
25. Place you definitely would like to go back to?
Australia!
26. New place you can’t wait to visit?
Caribbean
27. What do you do more: cook, going out for dinner or take out?
Cook, but simple stuff
28. What is your favorite food?
Spanish & Sushi
29. What’s you favorite restaurant?
Cobras & Matadors, although the quality has gone down, prices up, and you can’t drink alcohol outside anymore AND the liquor store next door to BYO has closed!
30. Favorite CD at the moment?
Niles Thomas, Love (Light my Way)
31 Favorite movies at the moment, or of all times?
Moment: The Bourne Ultimatum, Michael Clayton. All times: probably The Shawshank Redemption
32. Any addictions?
Coffee and smoking (I’ve quit 2 months ago, and only fell of the wagon one evening)
33. Do you have any piercings or/and tattoos?
No piercing, but 2 tattoos
34. What part of your body do you like best?
My eyes, back & shoulders
35. Are you happy with the way you look?
Yes
36. Would you like to change anything about the way you look?
Just shed a couple of pounds and get toned
37. Do you work out/play any sports?
I hike about 3-4 times a week, and play tennis
38. What attracts you to people?
Sincerity, smile, eye contact
39. What attracts you to a love interest?
Instant connection/sexual attraction
40. Are you in a relationship? Dating?
No
41. Any regrets in life?
No, I try not to have any regrets, but learn form mistakes and don’t look back
42. What do you like best about your personality?
I’m loyal, honest, loving, emotional, sexual, sincere, kind, able to make people smile,
43. What could use some improvement?
Mental health, but the meds are helping a lot! Letting things go easier, make myself happy first before trying to make others happy
44. What can you not live without?
My friends, my antidepressive medication, my dog, music, love, alcohol, my car (hey, give me a break…I live in LA!)
45. Do you have friends you would do anything for?
Yes, many
46. Do you believe you have friends who would do anything for you?
Yes, absolutely
47. Any question you think is missing in this list? If yes, what?
Probably, but this is what I could come up with right now
48. Are you generally happy with your life? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, and I’m proud to be able to say to say and see this after my struggles
49. Any favorite quotes or your own phrase to summarizes you?
Enjoy what you have, not with what you want (mine, I think), Live the way you wanna live, and don’t live how you think you’re suppose live, Innovate, don’t imitate (thanks Hugo Boss commercial!)
50. Do you think anyone will respond to this and send or post their list?
No, but I hope so

She told me her name was Billie Jean
As she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes
That dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor, in the round

People always told me,
‘Be careful of what you do
And don’t go around
Breaking young girls’ hearts’
And mother always told me,
‘Be careful of who you love
And be careful what you do
‘Cause the lie becomes the truth’

The Billie Jean is not my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that
I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son

For forty days and forty nights
Law was on her side
But who can stand
When she’s in demand
Her schemes and plans
‘Cause we danced on the floor, in the round
So take my strong advice
Just remember to always think twice
Do think twice

She told my baby
We danced till three
And she looked at me
Then showed a photo
My baby cried
His eyes were like mine
Can we dance on the floor, in the round

People always told me,
‘Be careful of what you do
And don’t go around
Breaking young girls’ hearts’

But you came and stood right by me
Just a smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room

The Billie Jean is not my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that
I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son

On ITunes you can download the studio version of David Cook’s Billy Jean, and I’m totally addicted to that song at the moment. It takes me back 12 years ago…to Cusco…Peru:

In 1996 I went to Peru for the first time, for a placement for college. Cusco is a town where many backpackers stay for a little bit longer the at other places, just to catch a breath, but most of all to party! Cusco is catered to tourist, and there are many cafe’s and bars. At the first company, an adventure travel agency, I had a horrible experience. Worked long hours, and most of the time till 10 or 11pm. I hated going home (I stayed at the owner’s home), and needed to chill after a day at work. Every night I went to this bar called Mama Africa, owned by a Dutchman, and I would sometimes even fall asleep in one of the corners. All the staff new me, and local girls who worked there were all over me…that may sound arrogant, but let me explain. Girls in Peru, or pretty much any 3rd world country latch themselves on Western tourists, try to sleep with them to get pregnant so they would be able to escape the poor situation they are in. So it was not just me, every guy could fall victim to this girls.

They literally threw themselves at me on the street or in the office. Especially this one girl from Mama Africa. She would always beg me to let her be my girlfriend. Everyone in town knew she had it in for me. The locals around the main square area of Cusco are like a small village group and there’s lots of talking and gossip.

I wasn’t at all interested in this girl, but I was interested in her girlfriend who was always with her. This girl I liked actually became my girlfriend for a month or so before I left Peru. Yes, I was actually really interested and attracked to girls.

A week or so after I kept turning down this girl’s advances, my best friend in Cusco, a local guy, told me the news that my stalker was pregnant…by me! “…she claims that I am the one…”
Everyone believed her, even my friend! I had never touched, kissed or f#cked the girl! But it was just assumed that I slept with her since everyone knew she was after me. For Peruvians that was pretty much a reason to assume that I did have sex with her, because any Peruvian guy would have done so. “But the kid is not my son!”
Shortly after the girl told my future girlfriend the truth: she got pregant by a tourist passing thru. because she had no way of getting in touch with him, she decided to go after me, since I was in Cusco for a long time. Not long after, the girl had an abortion.

I am so happy that I did not gave in to her advances. I don’t just jump into bed with the first person who offers them to me. If I had, I’ve might have had a 12 year old kid right now…
“So take my strong advice; just remember to always think twice. Do think twice!”

I feel like a train hit me, backed up, and ran me over! It’s been insane at work today, and yesterday. I’m completely drained! I’ve also haven’t been sleeping well.
Hiked Runyon again this morning. Check out this pics from Runyon last Sunday when at 10am it was already way to hot for poor Sierra!

Time for a positive outlook on my life, and even if it’s sometimes not easy to do, hey, I’ll fake it till I make it.
But I actually feel good so I don’t have to fake anything right now! I had a fantastic weekend, a mix of relaxing, sleeping in, laying down at the park, hiking at Runyon, hanging out by the pool, drinking in WeHo with a great friend, quality time with friends, cutting of all my hair for my summer look… Just a very nice weekend! The weather helped a lot too: in the 90ish all weekend:)!

I feel a challenge in my soul today
Questioning things I believed in so firmly yesterday
How can I have faith in myself and what I feel to be true
When the next day I feel my heart and mind telling me something new
I feel the twisting of my soul today
Something is challenging my perceptions
And what I`m going through is hard
And I admit, right now I`m not O.K. So…

Right now, I am confused
Right now, I don`t exactly know what to think
This day feels so unlike the rest
Right now, I am confused

I feel a burden in my spirit today
Feels like everything that I`ve ever trusted in
Has been washed away
I feel like I`m grappling for the truth
Don`t understand decisions that I made
In my mind I know I gotta live with what I`ve chosen
But in my heart I struggle

Can not bear to live with choices I made
Gonna make a change
Feel a change in my soul today
Gonna let the past fade away
Try not to be confused no more

I hope I can see it through

Last night I went to Tangiers Lounge in Los Feliz for the CD Launch of the the 2nd CD of my friends Niles Thomas. The CD is called “Love (Light My Way)”. It’s available now on ITunes and Amazon. Check out Niles his site. Some of the money he makes of his music will go to the charity Lifes Second Chance.org.

Watch two of his videos:

I will try to post a song each day, and hopefully you will support Niles and his cause. Thanks!
Love (Light My Way)</a

I need to watch at least 1 episode every day, but most of the times it’s 2 or 3. Halfway through Season 2 I started recognizing episodes, because I think I’ve seen most of it at least till Season 5 or so. Season 1 was great to watch, especially the first few episodes since Sarah still had to get into her character, especially getting her comedic timing just right. I’m now half into season 3, and it’s just great! Season 2 was great with the best entrance of a character ever; Spike arriving at Sunnydale. Then Angel going bad after he popped her cherry, Mom finds out about the slaying, everybody starts dating eachother. Season 3 is having the flash backs from the past when Angel was a bad, bad Vampire, friends cheat on eachother, Mr. Giles is still sad, Angel returns from the dead, Faith arrives in Sunnydale, grown ups eat Camp Candy and become dumb acting teenagers (Mom and Mr. Giles kiss)! And there are 7 seasons!
I LOVE Buffy the Vampire Slayer!