Posted by: dutchimport | April 13, 2007

I should have stayed home

Yesterday started has a great day. I was in a good mood, singing on my way to work. Got there at 7 AM, got many compliments on the green sweater I was wearing. Bright colors make me happy. I was wearing that sweater for an audition later that morning. An audition I was looking forward to, cause it was for a Dutch brand, for the European market. Got to the casting studios, chatted with a couple of people I new there, felt good, until the actual audition. It just felt off. Got back at work, and everything went downhill from there. Other people were using my desk, I had tons of work to do, but was very disorganized, not by my fault. I was counting the minutes so I could home at 4 PM; go hiking with Sierra, before meeting friends for Happy Hours at 6:30 PM. The shit really went down. My manager called form our other location, saying he would be able to make it back on time for a business site meeting at 4 PM, so I had to do it… Client didn’t show up till 4:30 PM due to the heavy winds. Finally by 5 PM I was on my way home. Traffic sucked, and I decided to just take Sierra to the dog park instead, have a quick bite to eat at home, and then walk over for that drink I really needed after that day.

I got home, turned the key to open the door, and that’s when I freaked out. There was blood everywhere in the entrance hall: on the floor, up against the wall, the doors, and the floor from the entrance to our bedroom door…it scared the hell out me. I screamed for Sierra who came to me walking slowly. I checked her body to see where she hurt herself but couldn’t find any wounds. I took her to the dog park right away for her to get her energy out: she has done the scratching against the wall by the door and the door before, but never this high up, and never resulting in a blood bath. At the dog park she was very passive, not herself. She drank a lot of water, didn’t play with her regular play buddies who tried, but she just walked over to me and sat down in front of me. I took her home, and started cleaning. The blood had dried up, so it was scrubbing like crazy to get it all cleaned. It took almost 45 minutes. By the time I changed into clean clothes, and walked over to Happy Hour it was 6:45 PM already. That’s when I should have made the decision to stay at home with my poor girl. I got to the bar and Vanguard and Fishering were already there. I begged for a drink…fast, while I went to the bathroom again to wash my hands again, cause I felt blood was still on my hands and cleaning supplies odors were all around me. I tried to explain how bad the situation was and how many blood there was. I sat down, and knew I was not able to get over my mood, and was not able to socialize. I knew a couple of other friends were coming, but within 20 minutes, the group grew to about 10 or 12. I just couldn’t do it. I tried to make small talk with some, but brought something up we already talked about when we saw each other on Sunday, so I was just laughed at, and felt so stupid. They probably thought I was drunk. I strolled back to my barstool. At one point I had a cigarette with Fishering, and got a lot of shit from some friends about that, because they thought I quit a long time ago, which I have, but lately once in a while I have one, and this evening I just needed one. Back at my bar stool it was obvious I was not able to snap out of my sadness, and you know how people react to that: they started making jokes about it. Just trying to make me feel better I guess, but it worked the opposite. Fishering suggested I should just go home, which of course I should have done, but instead I stayed and had another drink. Not long after that, most of us left, and we walked home. Said our goodbyes, and Fishering and I got in a fight walking home, and it continued when we got home. I took pictures of the blood bath, because I wanted him to see what happened, but he doesn’t wanna see them. Maybe I will post some sometime later. Tomorrow I’m taking Sierra to the vet, cause she also has something, a tick probably, on her neck.
I slept horrible, woke up still feeling miserable on a very important day for, and when I should be my own positive, outgoing, happy self, but I can’t get there. I need to get there by 4 PM, so I’ll do my best to change my mood. If not, I guess fake it till I make it. Meanwhile I can only think about Sierra. How is she going to do today with another long day home alone? You can say I take having a dog to serious, but she is my girl. Imagine coming home to your child and there is blood everywhere. It just can’t shake it off. She’s my baby girl.
Enough. I need to find positive things in today to snap out of it…

Update: I just checked my bank account…big mistake! I should not have spend the $25 dollars at the bar last night, cuase I don’t get paid till next Thursday, and I have no money left.



  1. Hey J — I’m very sorry. I’m sorry that we made you feel stupid, I certainly didn’t think that way about your situation, nor did I feel like we laughed at you maliciously. I didn’t think you were drunk either. None of what was going through your head was apparent to me, so I apologize.

  2. J – I’m really sorry to hear about Sierra. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.

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