Posted by: dutchimport | September 18, 2007

Clear thoughts

I posted something yesterday that was very personal, and scary to publish. I’ve decided this morning to take it off my blog. Maybe one day I will publish it again, to reflect on how the peaks and valleys change from day to day.

I feel much better, and think I’ve been through the worst. Playing tennis last night definitely helped. Exercising is something I’ve not been able to do since May 2006, and sports are a great “medicine” against depression. After this weekend I do realize I do need to make a change in my current treatment plan. Not sure what that should involve, but I will see my therapist on Friday and will discuss the options. Maybe a higher doses of the medication, although I’m already on almost the highest dose of Effexor. Till then, I guess its fake it till I make it.

Anyway, after a very draining depression episode the past weekend, the gray smoky haze I was caught up in has cleared, and can look objectively at what I went through, and realize it was a moment, a moment out of nowhere, a moment I can now analyze, and figure out a way to better deal with those moments in the future. Maybe I need to come up with a code word to mention to love ones around me, so I don’t have to explain anything or go into details, but they will know what’s going on.

But, let’s focus on the good things; I played tennis last night! May 2006 was the last time I set foot on a tennis court, and last night felt soooooo good! It was a perfect night to play too. It was not to warm, a little chilly, but after running around I got hot and so much adrenaline that I was sweating like I haven’t sweat since a long time! Both Rye and I had to take it easy, because it has only been 7 weeks since Rye had surgery to his shoulder, but it was just so nice to hits some balls, run around, testing the knee brace. It’s a bigger brace as I thought it would be, but my range of motion is not bad. The back hand is most affected by the brace, because all the weight is put on my right leg, but it will take just some practice to getting used to it. Now that I’m back at the court, it doesn’t seem as long as when I stood at the beginning of the recovery process, which is kind of scary, cause it has been 8 1/2 months after the surgery. Time flies!
tennis.jpg + ortho-knee5.jpg = happy.jpg


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