Posted by: dutchimport | April 17, 2009

Just Be

You can travel the world, but you can’t run away from the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be, make us believe in you, keep all your light in the dark
If you’re searching for truth, you must look in the mirror, and make sense of what you can see
Just be

They say learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real
Flying on planes to exotic locations won’t teach you how you really feel
Face up to the fact that you are who you are nothing can change that belief
Just be

’cause now I know, it’s not so far to where I go
The hardest part is inside me
I need to just be
Just be

I was lost, and I’m still lost, but I feel so much better

Posted by: dutchimport | April 15, 2009

American Idol

I’m not going to apologize anymore, cause I just like this show…get over it! :)
This season got finally down to the final 7, and has some good talent among those 7. First of all: producers, GET IT RIGHT! Cut some of the other crap on the show (read: Ryan Seacrest) instead of all of the judges giving feedback after a performance! The show still ran long!
Last nights best performance for me was the adorable Kris Allen, with his version of one of my favorite movie songs “Falling Slowly” from “Once”. He doesn’t have the best vocals of the group, but Lil Rounds proves that great vocals does not guarantee good performances. I was a fan of Matt Giraud, especially after last weeks brilliant performance, but he’s not really consistent, and last night did not do well. He might be in danger going home tonight. Allison Iraheta…oh Allison…I love you! You have such an awesome voice and you know how to perform! And I will admit…Adam Lambert was not that bad last night, even though I don’t like his screaming…I’m just not a big fan, but he was okay last night. So, 7 left, and it’s time for some surprising votes and possible upsets! Final 3 tonight: Lil Rounds, Matt Giraud and…. Now it becomes tricky… who will join them in the bottom 3? Looking at results from past weeks, Allison does not have a huge fan group and has been there before, but I think it will be Anoop. Going home? Lil Rounds…
Btw, Kris really looks like Byron Flitsch!
Kris Allen

Posted by: dutchimport | April 12, 2009

Looks who’s got talent!

Susan Boyle: absolutely fantastic! Worth watching every second of the 7 minute video! Enjoy!

Posted by: dutchimport | April 8, 2009

Adam Lambert

I’m sorry, I just can not stand him! Okay, he might be a nice person, but I just don’t like his voice nor his performances, but I seem to be the only one who watches the show. When he starts screaming, it just hurts my ears. I must say that last week was not so bad, and last night was just okay until the scream came out again, but I just can not forget that Johnny Cash song he slaughtered.
At least he fixed his hair to look better. I’m sure he will be safe tonight

Adam Lambert on American Idol

Adam Lambert on American Idol

Posted by: dutchimport | April 3, 2009

Memories

I think it was my 2nd or 3rd year in college. I went to college in the South of The Netherlands, of course a very small country, but to go back to my hometown took 2 1/2 hours by train. Too much for me to go back every weekend. Many students did go back over the weekend, so partying was done during the week (big nights were Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday when every one comes back from wherever they were). The weekends were to relax, and many Friday nights I spend with my friend Henk Jan, Henkie as I call him, cooking together, drinking and watch some TV. Some nice bonding time. Also, not as in America, Friday is the Prime Time night for TV, not Thursday.
So many memories from the last 15 years came back last night: the final episode of ER. Those Friday nights in college, my friend and I watched ER. I always joked with him about how much he looked like Dr. Greene. 15 Years later, college is long gone and over, Henkie is still my friend who has visited me in Peru and in LA where I have been now for 9 years! He has 3 kids now, and such a different life we thought we would be going for. But he’s happy, life takes it course. We always discussed life, our goals, our friends, everything.
My friend Gaby in Amsterdam started getting into ER late, a couple of seasons in. Whenever I visited her, we watch it together…episodes already aired in the US, but some I hadn’t seen, and the ones I did, I tried to shut my mouth, not to give too much away. When we call or chat when I’m back in LA, at some point she has to stop our conversation cause ER was about to come on:) Oh, good times…
I watched every episode of ER for at least the first 5/6 seasons or so. After that, I watched the show once in a while. When I lived in Florida, the ER hour was sacred to me. My first couple of years in LA, taped, yes on VCR, all episodes, and I’ve I forgot, I asked my roommate to set it to record. When I lived in Hollywood I did have cable, so with the lousy antenna, I still watched ER. Moving to LA as an actor, it was really my biggest dream to appear on ER, even if it was as an extra. Didn’t happen, but I got close! Close to the Stage where the show was shot.
The last couple of seasons I was just not that into it anymore, and stopped taping the show. Sometimes I would pick it up, but not religiously as I used to watch every episode. But the last couple of weeks I started taping ER again, cause after 15 years the show came to and end…last night, the final 2 hour series finale of ER, after an hour long back to memory lane with many clips and interviews with former cast members. A few tears shed, but mostly thought of good times came to mind, the memories I associate with the show. I know what you’re thinking “hey, come on, it’s just a TV show!”, and yes, that’s true, but I have good memories watching ER, alone, with friends, in The Netherlands, in Florida and in LA. I might have seen a couple of episodes in Spanish in Peru! Now that my life has reached a powerful and exciting crossroad, the end of ER, was a beautiful trip down to memory lane, and a look forward to what’s coming up in the near future!
R.I.P. ER!

Posted by: dutchimport | March 29, 2009

Stuck in limbo

Yes, I’m impatient, anxious, nervous, and all that’s similar to the a fore mentioned words. I’ve been waiting and waiting, checking my in box all the time, dealing with people here who are preparing for what I can’t even prepare for yet.
It’s driving me nuts! I want it all to be set and done, so I can move forward!
Yes, I know, patience is a virtue, but I’m done with that. I need to know!

Posted by: dutchimport | March 18, 2009

Try to live life like today is your last day

The above thing is sooo hard to do, cause you get caught up in so many little day-to-day things that don’t matter much really.

A few hours ago, actress Natasha Richardson, died after a skiing accident yesterday. She felt fine at first, and was joking with the paramedics. 24 Hours later her family (husband Liam Neeson, mother Vanessa Redgrave, among others) took her off life support and she passed away.

Natasha Richardson

Natasha Richardson

Years ago, my roommates sister passed away the same way. While playing sports, she hurt her head, and a couple of days later, she was taken off life support.

Life can really be taken away from you within a second. These horrible accidents remind us of this, but still to really live life to the fullest as if every day could be your last…not easy to do. But I’m going to try, every day, enjoy moments with friends, family, or be more aware of just the small things that make me smile, laugh or cry.

To everyone I know out there who reads this: I love you, I really do!

Posted by: dutchimport | March 15, 2009

Style I admire

After my last pretty serious post, I thought I’d lighten up the mood a little. Inspired by this months “The 10 Most Stylish Men in America” in GQ, I thought I would post about who’s style I admire, would like to imitate, or make my own. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe I have my own style, even though it has become more and more Americanized. I feel I still have that European style coming through in the way I dress and act, mixed with some things I like from my adopted country America. So here we go, in random order, this is what I like, not just the clothes, but the look, the attitude, the statement…just what I like, nothing more!

No explanation needed

No explanation needed

I love the basic Henley shirt

I love the basic Henley shirt

Love him or hate him...I like his style

Love him or hate him...I like his style

Not manicured, tattoos and just enough men's jewely

Not manicured, tattoos and just enough men's jewely

George makes gray hair look good! And he really knows how to wear a suit!

George makes gray hair look good! And he really knows how to wear a suit!

I love wearing suits, traditional, or more casual with the tie a little loose

I love wearing suits, traditional, or more casual with the tie a little loose

Simple white V-neck t-shirt on jeans is one of my favorites

Simple white V-neck t-shirt on jeans is one of my favorites

V-Neck on jeans, and man, he has perfect hair

V-Neck on jeans, and man, he has perfect hair

Perfect combination of casual mixed with classic

Perfect combination of casual mixed with classic

The half long hair, beard, and exotic look

The half long hair, beard, and exotic look

The italian look on a classic British guy

The italian look on a classic British guy

Great combination on stylish British Hugh Dancy

Great combination on stylish British Hugh Dancy

One of the most stylish guys at the moment...and I love that he brought the fedora back

One of the most stylish guys at the moment...and I love that he brought the fedora back

As a man with chest hair myself, I love it that more adds appear with men showing chest hair instead of always bare chest models

As a man with chest hair myself, I love it that more adds appear with men showing chest hair instead of always bare chest models

Nothing I need to say about James Dean...

Nothing I need to say about James Dean...

James is just cool

James is just cool

And me:

Love a suit (and a drink and a smoke)

Love a suit (and a drink and a smoke)

Combination of some stuff

Combination of some stuff

I like my glasses

I like my glasses

I like green, simple t-shirt and jeans

I like green, simple t-shirt and jeans

I like wearing simple loose shirts with jeans

I like wearing simple loose shirts with jeans

Loose shirt, simple necklace

Loose shirt, simple necklace

That’s it! And yes, I’m a little vain;)

Posted by: dutchimport | March 11, 2009

Distance

“In the months that followed, my grief became disturbed by a guilty sense that very little had changed: with the passage of time Mama was barely less present than she’s been during the many years in which, separated by an airplane journey, we’d spoken once or twice a month on the telephone and seen each other for a week or two in a year. At first, I understood my uneasiness as the product of self-accusation: I had incriminated myself, perhaps inevitably, on a charge of filial absenteeism. But soon a still more disquieting idea took possession of my thoughts-namely that my mother had long ago become an imaginary being of sorts.” – Joseph O’Neill, Netherland

I read this part of Joseph’s novel about a week ago, and it made me cry, feel sad, guilty, and far away from my family and friends. “Did he really write this? Could he really have felt this?” and “Shit, why can I identify with this so much?”…

And I do…identify with what he wrote…how this character feels. A disconnect, partly because of the distance/time difference, but also due to the completely different lives we have. You know, even though my parents have visited me at most places I’ve lived, they still don’t know all my friends, what I do every day at work, how I feel about life decisions I’m struggling with and so on. So the times I talk to my parents online, with the web cam, most of the things are just small talk, little things of nothingness or a brief summary of something that would be too far away from what they can comprehend in such a short time span.
And this is part of my life…the life I choose to live. Moved around much, long flight away from friends and family, 9 hour time difference which complicates calling, and this brings a disconnection with some loved ones on other sides of the world.
A couple of years ago I wrote about the guilt feeling I had to work through thinking about what would happen if something happens with my sister, who’s mentally handicapped. Do I give up my life here, or wherever, to be a bigger part in her life? The answer to that is no, I shouldn’t, and I won’t. Will I go back to visit her more often? Yes, if work and money allows me too. That’s also a big thing: time off and money to be able to make the trip back to visit family and friends. So far I have been able to go back once ever year and a half or so. But a lot can happen in that time. I missed joyful and sad, difficult moments in the lives of my family and friends. The following is just one example of feeling so far away:
The last time I was in Amsterdam, January 2008, I stayed with “the female version of me”, my friend Kaline, who moved into her first bought home together with her boyfriend a couple of days before I arrived. I was able to share that moment with them. Since then, Kaline became pregnant, gave birth, suffered complications right after the delivery of my Goddaughter Senne, and has been struggling since then with adjusting to this new life of hers.

I missed every part of her pregnancy, the birth of her beautiful baby girl, the moments after that, and the last couple of weeks when she was going through though times. Guilty. I feel extreme sadness and guild for not having been there for Kaline when she needed me. Maybe it’s also a selfish sadness of thinking that I’m not even needed anymore, that they can and have gone through everything without me.

So I cried last night. I cried myself to sleep, feeling the pain of my “other half” Kaline, the pain of feeling I failed my friend, the sadness of having missed one of the most joyful moments of her life…my life.
And the knowledge of that there will be many more of those moments, not just in Kaline’s life, but in many lives of my family and friends because of the distance now, and in the future. The physical distance that keeps us apart, but will hopefully never disconnect us.

Posted by: dutchimport | February 23, 2009

Oscars versus Westboro Baptist Church

Last night was a great show, I thought. My favorites won, I won the Oscar poll at a little get together, and won some great DVD’s!

Please see some pictures below of my favorite winners!

Penelope Cruz

Penelope Cruz

Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet

Dustin Lance Black

Dustin Lance Black

Heath Ledger's family

Heath Ledger's family

And then we have hate, ignorance from the Westboro Baptist Church!

Hate

Hate

Posted by: dutchimport | February 22, 2009

Busy, hectic, exciting, scary…

All of the above and more is going, which is why I haven’t been writing. But just a quick note:

IT’S THE DAY OF THE OSCARS!

I’m a award show geek, I just love them! Enjoy tonight’s show!

Oh, and if you’re in LA the next week, go check out the Vanity Fair exhibition at LACMA! I saw it yesterday, and it’s awesome! A must see! It’s closing next weekend, March 1st, so hurry up!

Gloria Swanson, by Edward Steichen, 1924

Gloria Swanson, by Edward Steichen, 1924

Posted by: dutchimport | February 17, 2009

All is done…

Not my car anymore...

Not my car anymore...


The car is not mine…officially that is. I’ve been without my car for almost 2 weeks I think, but now all the paperwork is filled out, so now the buyer and myself just have to mail the stuff.
I’m carless in LA. So far so good, but I am starting to notice the inconveniences of the limited transportation options I have now. Yesterday I thought I’d simply walk over to the nearest Trader Joe’s. Simple it was, but not as close by as things look while driving. And then having to really be aware of what you’re being so the walk back is not to unpleasant by the heavy bags. Luckily I have a TJ’s close to work where I can get my basic needs. I also have an awesome coworker who lives really close by, and likes my company (ha, figure that!), so she has been picking me up in the morning and driving me home after work.
One time last week she couldn’t drive me home, so I had to take the bus. The awesome thing is that there’s a bus that stops right in front my work, and only stops 3 times to get to my destination. Love those Express Buses! I could have taken another bus up to my place, cause it is still a long walk after bus 1 drops me off. That day I was lucky though cause I gotten a friend enthusiastic to have dinner at Terroni’s, and he was able to pick me up by the bus stop. So I went from the bus (you have to understand, people don’t really use the bus unless…well, you’re to poor to afford a car or buy gas) to my friends Porsche, and then to a nice trendy restaurant. I thought that was pretty funny…hmm, maybe not for you…

I already have such good friends who pick me up before going out drinking so I can drink as much as I want, but now I HAVE TO be picked up to get my partying going on! Drink as much as I want…yeah, that will be another post all together later today or tomorrow…

Posted by: dutchimport | February 14, 2009

Best love scene in movies

I wish I could run towards a certain someone today…

Posted by: dutchimport | February 11, 2009

Top 25 Most Played

On my iTunes, my iPod…I was very surprised… Some might be a little embarsing, but I don’t care! Here is my top 25 most songs played:

1) Deeper and Deeper – Madonna
2) Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna
3) Don’t Stop – Sarah Bettens
4) Viva la Vida – Coldplay
5) Believe – Franka Potente (from “Run Lola Run”)
6) Tu Vuo’ Fa L’Americano – Cast of “The Talented Mr. Ripley”
7) Beautiful Life – Ace Of Base
8) Umbrella – Rihanna
9) Sorry – Madonna
10) You Give Me Something – James Morrison
11) Summer Sun – Texas
12) It’s Not Over – Daughtry
13) Unfaithful – Rihanna
14) Over You – Daughtry
15) Hurt – Christina Aguilera
16) Just Be – DJ Tiesto
17) If The Rain Must fall – James Morrison
18) Violet Hill – Coldplay
19) Billie Jean – David Cook
20) When Your Mind’s made Up – Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
21) Home – Daughtry
22) Everytime We Touch – Cascada
23) Confide in Me – Kylie Minogue
24) If You Want Me – Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova (“Once”
25) Burning Up – Kylie Minogue

Biggest surprise for me: no Rachael Yamagata or Robbie Williams! Most of the songs are from my “Happy” playlist I use for working out, and the sad songs are from, well, playlists from months I was feeling down…

What’s your Top 25?

Posted by: dutchimport | February 11, 2009

ok, enough!

I’ve been quiet for long enough. I can’t just sit on my ass, and watch this insanity unfold in front of my eyes? For crying out loud, what country am I living in?!
8 People arrested? “The” bong confiscated, which was supposedly placed on Ebay for $100,000, 3 months suspension, and they are considering wether or not to press charges against him… A national scandal, a fallen hero…for what??!! Smokin’ some pot at the age 23? Give Michael Phelps a freakin’ break!!! He won 8 Gold medals at the Olympics…NEVER done before by an athelet! Has smoking a bong ever been done by anyone of his age? Uh, duh! Oh, but wait, this is America…don’t talk about drug use, teenagers having sex, drinking under the age of 21, nope, ssshht, if we don’t talk about it, just ignore it, then it’s not happening, right? Right! Oh nooooooo, a picture of the good ol’ Olympic Boy, the example for our youth…all over the newspapers and Internet…smoking a bong! Let’s hang him out to dry! Set an example to our youth! DON’T BE CAUGHT!
yes, I am from Amsterdam, and yes, most have smoked pot before the age of 15, drank before the age of 14, have sex before we can vote, and, hmmm, for some reason we don’t have the many issues with teenage pregnancies, alcohol abuse by minors, and what the f#ck does it matter if someone smokes a little pot once in a while!@@#$%#$#$@#$@#$@#$

Check out these pics! These are from 4 years ago or so in a club in Amsterdam…yeah, inside, lots of people around, just smoking away…

dancing yeah!

dancing yeah!

Smokin' away

Smokin' away

Go Michael!

Go Michael!

Go Michael Phelps! You rock! And fuck Kellogg!

Olympic Hero

Olympic Hero

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